Listen to Your Heart: When to Stay and When to Walk Away
Understanding when it’s time to walk away means trusting the guidance of our very wise heart … not the convoluting brain.
If someone isn't treating you how you'd like to be treated, leave them where they are. I've had some pushback when it comes to ending relationships and have been told that I'm a runner and a quitter. My younger self believed them. My misguided brain believed them. But there was this nagging in my heart that told me time and time again that I couldn’t be wrong. Could I?
After a lifetime of learning to love myself and nine years of heart-brain coaching, I have learned that our heart is far wiser than our head. Our head has a tendency to tell us untrue stories and allows us to live in patterns that may not serve us in the present. These head-heart incongruences are moments when we feel conflicted between questions like, "Should I stay or should I go?" "Am I being unkind?" "Is this what I truly want?"
I've learned that when we are attempting to level up our life or make a shift towards growth, we will undoubtedly experience something called resistance. And the bigger the dream, the bigger the resistance. So not only do we have this automatic response that sounds like resistance, we can also adopt beliefs along the way that support the resistance.
We have coaches, teachers, parents, siblings, friends, and even strangers who say or do things that we internalize. These comments, behaviors, and unsolicited advice, which actually belong to someone else, can become our "truth." And it’s my belief that these untruths live in our head, not in our heart space.
I am a big believer that our heart is far wiser than our brain. It's been scientifically captured that our heart sends far more messages to our brain than our brain sends to our heart. So when we sit in confusion or unease about a topic or situation, it is often because we feel one thing in our heart and think something else in our head. I have learned that when it comes to matters of the heart, we need to listen to our heart. I'm not saying there isn't room to gather data and understand the logical pieces. I am saying there is a quiet voice inside us that is incredibly wise and needs to be heard for the sake of our well-being.
I don’t know about you, but I can look back on situations and clearly see that my head got in the way, and it ended up costing me significant heartbreak. I can see that if I had listened to my heart—my inner voice—I would not have the bruises that I do. I am not saying I would undo any of it, because I firmly believe everything happens for a reason… but I can see with 20/20 vision that my heart was right. She always is.
When our head and heart can work together, we can feel confident in our decisions and trust ourselves in moments that create doubt. I've learned that if I say what I'm thinking out loud—yes, actually out loud—and then ask if it is true, I can often hear the lie. When I get quiet and ask if it's true, or write it in my journal and ask if it's true, or look myself in the mirror and ask if it's true, I can start to hear my heart. Hearing the heart takes courage, and following through on behalf of the heart takes bravery, especially when others are telling us that it’s wrong or not the right decision…
This part matters.
Only you know what is best for you. Only you sit in your feelings and experiences. No one else can tell you how you feel or what you think. No one else can possibly know what is best for you. While there is sound advice out there which can often help, only you are left to sit with it. And I chuckle as I write this because I have often thought I know what’s best for my kids. Maybe in certain circumstances, when it comes to risk assessment, sure, I may have known best. But when it comes to matters of their heart—what’s best for them, what fills them up, and what will best serve them—that’s not my place, nor within my capabilities. We all have our own path. We all get to choose what we choose, and we will learn what we learn, whether this is preconceived or not.
When it comes to someone judging you for the decisions that you make, it’s simply not their place. As one of my friends so wisely said, "It’s none of your business what other people think about you." When someone offers unsolicited advice, I immediately think, “Stay in your own lane.”
It sounds so easy and concise to declare that when someone doesn't treat you well, you should walk away. Attempting to fix or repair before walking away can help ease the guilt and create a knowing, but most important is honoring self. This can be difficult, and if you've read any of my other Substack entries, you'll know that I'm speaking from experience… But what I know to be true is that no one gets to tell you how to feel, no one knows your truth, no one knows what is best for you, no one knows your heart, and no one knows what you're meant to learn in this lifetime.
If it doesn't feel good and you don't like the way you're being spoken to, treated, or loved, it is best to listen to your heart. This may mean having a conversation. This may require seeking counsel. It may mean setting a boundary, and it may mean walking away. This does not make you a quitter. This does not make you a runner. This means that you are honoring yourself and your heart. A sense of uneasy goodness often comes with the most difficult decisions. And it’s my belief that when we honor our heart, we let the universe know that we’re open to new, healthy relationships—not the ones that make us question ourselves.
.