Changing Your Address Won’t Change Your Emptiness

The Science of Dopamine, the Illusion of Fresh Starts, and How to Stop Chasing Change and Start Feeling Better

You know how sometimes we just get that feeling - like we need a change?
We tell ourselves things like:
“I just need a fresh start.”
“Once I move, things will feel better.”
“Maybe having a baby will help us feel more connected.”
“A big trip could be the reset I need.”
“If I start that new job - or go back to school - things will feel better.”
“Maybe a new car will help me feel something different.”

It doesn’t always sound exactly like that.
Sometimes it’s just this quiet urge for something new.
A shift. A change of pace. A different view.
And that totally makes sense.

Because when life feels heavy or off, “new” feels like the answer.
It gives us a sense of movement. Momentum. Hope.
And sometimes, it even works - for a little while anyways.

But if we’re being really honest, that craving for something new on the outside is usually coming from something unsettled on the inside.
Not broken. Not wrong.
Just something asking to be seen.

Some of us say it out loud.
Some of us don’t.
But for many of us, the craving for different sneaks in quietly - like a whisper, convincing us that if we just changed the outside, maybe the inside will feel less heavy.

And I understand the pull - really, I do.

There was a time in my life when everything on the outside looked picture perfect.

There were beautiful vacations, designer bags, spontaneous weekend getaways, showing up at all the “right” places.

There was always something to look forward to - something shiny on the horizon.

He dangled many fresh starts, resets, and baskets of hope. And I clung to the fantasy of it.
Of a better version of us.
Of me finally feeling secure, seen, safe.

There’s something intoxicating about newness, isn’t there?

And there’s a reason for that.

Dopamine.

Dopamine is the brain’s chemical of anticipation and reward. It surges when we’re chasing something - a goal, a prize, a new handbag or address. It makes us feel alive, energized, hopeful.
But here’s the kicker: dopamine doesn’t spike when we get the thing, it spikes in the pursuit of it.
Which is why the high never lasts.
Why after the purse is in your closet, or the car is in the driveway, or the vacation is over… you’re still left with that same feeling.

I remember the day I decided to get rid of that Louis Vuitton bag.
It didn’t make me feel more loved.
It didn’t fix the way our communication kept missing.
It didn’t soothe the confusion I felt about who I was becoming in a relationship that looked so good … and didn’t feel good.

The reality is, you can’t buy your way out of disconnection.
You can’t decorate your way around the truth.
And you sure as hell can’t dopamine your way to inner peace.

What I really needed was something no trip, no outfit, no address could provide:

Emotional honesty.
Safety.
Real connection.

What I’ve learned is that you can’t feel those things with someone else until you’re willing to feel them with yourself.

💔 If your heart is aching right now this Breakup Recovery Guide may help. One moment at a time, one breath at a time - you will rebuild your confidence, find your strength, and remember how deeply worthy of love you truly are.

https://christinaketchen.substack.com/p/feeling-lost-after-a-breakup

It’s not a new zip code you need, it’s a new level of honesty.

The desire to uproot or “shake things up” isn’t inherently bad - it’s often born from hope. And hope is beautiful when it’s well placed.
The truth is, when we avoid the discomfort we haven’t been willing to sit with, we’re not honouring ourselves. Or honouring our heart.

We’re just distracting ourselves and avoiding the truth.

We don’t need to overhaul our lives to feel better.
We need to stop avoiding what we feel.

True relief doesn’t come from changing our address, or buying that pretty new thing. It comes from changing the way we see what’s asking to be seen.

So, What Can You Actually Do?

1. Get radically honest with yourself.
Write down the things you are afraid to say out loud.
What are you pretending feels fine, but doesn’t?

You don’t have to fix it today.
Naming it is the beginning of freedom.

2. Understand the dopamine loop.
Next time you find yourself fantasizing or researching the next trip, a big purchase, a big move - pause.
Ask yourself: Why? Why am I choosing this?

When we choose intentionally, and genuinely answer why, we sit in a hell yes to the decision.

3. Let the ache speak.
That ache in your chest, that heaviness in your gut, it’s not your enemy.
It’s a signal.
A whisper from your nervous system saying, There’s something here to feel.
Sit with it. Walk with it. Write to it.
Not to wallow, but to witness.
Healing always starts with awareness.

It’s okay to want more.
It’s okay to long for beauty and change and fresh air.
But don’t let the high of “new” keep you from the truth of you.

You don’t need another vacation.
You don’t need another handbag.
You don’t need a new address.
You need authentic relationship - with yourself.
One built on what’s real and right for you … and your heart.

Start there.
That’s where change begins.

If you need any help with this, reach out for a chat with me here. Or message me anytime, I am here in support with you … love for self and authentic love in relationship can be bumpy and there’s wisdom and processes that can help guide the way.